So, here's my question. Is it possible to forgive someone who does not ask for it? I'm not talking about holding a grudge or being bitter as the alternative; clearly its important to be able to let go of things and move on. But if someone is never sorry, can they really be forgiven?
I've thought a bit about this topic since I heard a sermon on it at church. It was recently brought to mind again by an acquaintence of mine. This person lost their temper with me and was rather offensive to me a week or so ago. We used to be somewhat friends, the kind that talk and have lunch. But since this happenened, things are not the same with us. I'm not rude to him or anything. I'm over it. I just no longer have the desire to inititate conversation. I feel pretty sure that if an apology was made, I'd feel much more free to act as friends again. But since nothing of the kind has occured, I just don't feel the desire to go beyond casual conversation. Does this mean I have not forgiven him? Or is my reaction just the natural result of "broken trust."
Any thoughts?
3 comments:
Interesting. Yes, it is possible to forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness. Christ has forgiven us, even before we ask for forgiveness. Once we ask forgiveness and it is granted, our slate is washed clean, but we must ask before it is wiped clean, even though He has already forgiven us. He makes it pretty easy.
I do believe that feeling associated with not initiating conversation can be grouped with lack of forgiveness. Not that the act of not initiating conversation mean you haven't forgiven him, but more the motive behind the act. There has been a disregard for respect here on his part, thus the reason you feel entitled to an apology. If you sought no apology and were actually "over it," it would be easier to assume that you are over it, but the fact that you would free to act as a friend on THE CONDITION that he apologizes means that you have not yet forgiven him. Forgiveness is not conditional. If it were, we would have not any hope of salvation.
Maybe if you go out of your way to extend kindness to him as though you were not hurt, you would put "heaping coals upon his head" and he will respect you. It's okay to feel hurt or disrespected, but when you're ready to forgive him, you will be free of even those feelings.
This is something that Eli and I have spoken about many times.
I just think you need to do what you need to make YOU feel right. A lot of times you're mad at someone and it totally drains you...however that person may be completely oblivious about it...and in the end, you're expending all this energy on something that isn't affecting anyone but yourself.
Forgiveness affects people, body and soul. If you're troubled about it, you need to do something about it.
I agree with Kevin, it is possible to forgive someone who hasn't asked for it. HOWEVER, don't mistake forgiveness for reconciliation. The two terms are not synonymous.
Forgiveness is for you. Like Val said, being upset takes a lot of work. By forgiving and just treating the individual politely will speak volumes. They might never apologize, but you can't control them, you can only control you. If they want to reconcile, they will let it be known.
Bottom line, you might not get the friendship back, but it is good to forgive for the sake of your own sanity.
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