Have you ever noticed that often the person that you love the most can also hurt and frustrate you the most? It's like an all access pass to your emotions, inspiring both excited and happy ones as well as deeply saddening and maddening ones. Funny how that works.
Most of you know that I am a big fan of the self-help book. I love reading books like "The Five Love Languages" and taking different personality assessments. It's interesting to me to understand how I am and how other people are that are different from me.
I believe that any marriage/relationship can benefit from reading a good book on the subject of relationships each year; however, I'm coming to the conclusion that it's %^$* hard to really love someone and make things work.
I used to be quite idealistic about love and marriage. And I know I still am to a degree. But just because some one is your "soulmate" doesn't mean you don't want to scream at them once in awhile or that you are always going to connect in a positive way.
I personally think that this sucks. I'm all for good feelings and not fighting and just being happy. But being emotional myself, I know that just doesn't always happen. Sometimes feelings get hurt. Sometimes people overreact. Sometimes we aren't nice to those we love.
How one deals with this is still a bit gray to me. I know there must be a better way then what I sometimes fall into. But I'm also learning that there is no perfect solution nor is there a perfect person. I guess the only thing you can do is keep trying and with God's grace, hopefully improving a bit every day.
1 comment:
It seems you've hit on a very interesting thing, at least to me. I don't read the "self help" books per se, but I'm always psycho analyzing myself, which I suppose amounts to the same thing.
I agree with you that there is no "perfect" out there. Ask any married couple, and it takes hard work. I firmly believe that this is why the marriage vows themselves state "through sickness and health, good times and bad, 'til death do us part." Bad times doesn't mean one of you comes down with a horrible disease or something, but it's those times where what you described (the frustration, exasperation, AH!) comes out.
I know that married couples that I've talked to have said that after a really big huge fight they actually never felt closer to each other. The trick, of course, is communication. Sometimes it's instant, sometimes it takes a bit of time. Sometimes you might want to talk about it right now and he needs some time to work through things. But if you communicate and respect each other, it will only strengthen your relationship.
So yes, I agree that those we love have the ability to hurt us the most (after all, it's to those people that we let our walls down around and put ourselves out there...a little risk for a greater gain). However, always remember that we can hurt back, too, but if love is the basis of the relationship and there is a healthy communication and respect, I believe that you can work through most anything.
Oh, and as an aside, in those moments where you might want to talk and he might not be ready yet, prayer is GREAT (keeps ya sane!)
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