Weighing Your Options

Happy Wednesday!

I subscribe to a number of newsletters, but one of my favorites is Crucial Conversations. They describe difficult situations often submitted by readers and offer practical and non-biased ways to handle these issues and move forward in a positive direction.

I thought that the below story was especially good advice for anyone who is any a tough spot at work right now. It gives some good options for change, if you feel change is needed.

Dear Crucial Skills,

Ten of us are struggling with how to deal with the bad behavior of our boss. Most of us are contemplating leaving this really good company because of it. Two others have quit already because of the bad and even abusive behavior and told the HR director and CEO. Nothing has changed.

Signed,
What Next?

Dear What Next,

As I write this, the stock markets across the planet are on a roller coaster ride that’s bringing little joy to anyone. With that kind of insecurity as a backdrop, your question becomes especially sensitive. Even in the best of times, many people are reluctant to address concerns with their boss because they think it might put their jobs or their future opportunities at risk.

I would love to comfort you with our research that suggests if you practice crucial confrontations skills well, the odds of you being hurt by your attempt are quite low. However, your situation is a bit different. Your colleagues have already escalated this to HR and the CEO. You didn't mention that you have spoken to your boss directly—but for the sake of my response I’ll assume you have already done this (if you haven't, you need to step up to this crucial confrontation first thing). And still, after all these attempts, you’ve seen no change. What next?

You’re obviously in a very tough situation and your options are limited. But you do have options. Let me list them. You are in the best position to decide based on your perception of risk and your personal values which of these is the wisest choice for you. So, I’ll simply lay them out and hope considering them will assist you in making your decision.

1) Commit and cope. You could choose to accept the security of your current situation and cope with the abusive relationship. If you do so, I urge you to have the maturity to acknowledge that you are making this choice and not to blame your boss for behaving in the future the way he has in the past. You know what you’re signing up for—take it or leave it.

2) Give it up and quit. Second, you could decide that even an uncertain job market is more desirable than the certainly of a rotten work environment. Of course, it would be best to look around and solidify options as much as you can before making the leap—but if you’ve tried your best and can’t influence change where you are, change your address.

3) Escalate further and hope for the best. If there are ten of you who are dissatisfied, you have significant power to further escalate the behavior problems—provided you stick together. Though this may seem like unusual advice, I would encourage you to confront your boss as a group. Do it in as safe and respectful a way as you can (re-read Crucial Confrontations before acting). Limit your complaints to the one or two most salient ones and then detail what behavior you would like to have instead. Express your openness to changing yourselves if there are things you and your colleagues are doing that provoke your boss's bad behavior. But let your boss know that “no change” is unacceptable.

Before holding this discussion, share your intention with HR and the CEO. Ask them for their support. Ask them if you can report the outcome following the meeting. If they refuse to support your effort, then you must go back to options 1 or 2 above. If HR and the CEO will not support you, then either you are deluding yourself about the problem, or you are in an organization that is determined to enable your boss's bad behavior. It’s time to make a choice.

4) Prop the door open then escalate. Finally, you can combine #3 with a careful retreat plan. Shop around. Solidify some exit options. Be sure the back door is propped open and then take action to influence change.

Unfortunately, there is no easy solution. However, failing to clarify what you really want and not maturely choosing your best course of action will only add the misery of powerlessness to the dissatisfaction of abuse. Powerlessness is frequently as much fiction as reality. You do have options—and I urge you to exercise them to your greatest benefit.

I wish you the best and would be pleased to hear what you decide and how things turn out.

Warmly,
Joseph

Life

Yes, I realize that's a rather intense blog name. In order to use such an impactful word....I should really write something deep, insightful, brilliant.

I'm not sure that's going to happen....but tonight I feel that melancholy pull to reflect and write and somehow express this small sadness I don't know why I feel.

Recently I heard a talk about growing up in God without growing old and the speaker said "How many are the children of God. How few are the friends."

Sometimes I feel like I could be a friend of God. But other times I feel like a little kid. I feel overwhelmed, challenged, sad, tired.... And I feel like I talk to God like I would talk to my dad when I was little.

I guess this is one of the many reasons why its good that God can encompass all roles. Sometimes we all need some milk and cookies and a big hug.

Why I like Country Music

So this morning I was reminded of one of reasons that I like country music. It reminds me of the important things.

This morning I heard the song American Soldier and I thought about it. I don't understand the war, but I'm grateful that there are people who are willing to risk their lives to defend our Country.

Then I started thinking about the many songs that are played. Yes there are dumb ones and yes sometimes the tune is just too much for me, but there are so many good words. Reminders of important values. And even reminders of God.

Check out these lyrics:


"Well, I'm what I am and I'm what I'm not. And I'm sure happy with what I've got. I live to love and laugh alot. And that's all I need. -Kenny Chesney- That's all I need

Do want you want, do want you wish. It's your life but remember this. There's bound to be some consequences. Sneaking under other fences. Clay Walker- Then What

"It was no accident me finding you Someone had a hand in it Long before we ever knew Now I just cant believe your in my life. Heavens smilin down on meAs I look at you tonight." Tracy Byrd- Keeper of the Stars

"Half way through the service While the choir sang a hymn He looked up above the preacher And he sat and stared at him He said'forgive me Father' When he realized That he hadn't been unloved Or alone all his life His arms were stretched out As far as they'd go Nailed to the cross For the whole world to know"- Jimmy Wayne. I love you this much

Remember the Alamo

I'm in San Antonio right now for the APTA convention. It's a beautiful place, right on the riverwalk. I'm really enjoying the nice walks in the morning or evening.

I stopped by the Alamo today and walked around the grounds. I've been there before, but it was really neat to see again. I don't think I paid as much attention in hi9h school!

Besides the beautiful old trees and stone artitecture, what I noticed most about the Alamo was the people who fought there. They were from everywhere: Tennessee, Ohio, England, Germany, and even a "Freed blackman"

How did these 30some people from all around the world end up in this once place, all ready to fight and give there lives for a cause they believed in?

I hate fighting and war and wish for peaceful solutions whenever possible. But I have to admire the courage and determination that these men had. I hope to meet some of them in heaven one day.

Congratulations Annette and Adam!

You know you are taking Economics when....

You are at Target shopping for a particular item and decide not to buy the brand you were orginally going to purchase, but instead buy the one that is on sale...and then actually think....wow... because I made the decision to purchase this product based on price...this means this product is an elastic product.

For those of you trying to remember the difference...elastic products are affected by a change in price (like a brand of soap) and inelastic products are not affected by a change in price (like gas)

At this point...no one is reading my blog as you are all very bored. :)

Monstrous pedestals

I've been reading through Oscar Wilde's play "An ideal husband." It's quite a brillant piece, but I came across one section that really stood out to me. It comes from the part where Lady Chiltern has just realized that her husband sold a secret for money many years ago and she feels she can't forgive him.


Lady Chiltern- No don't speak! Say nothing! Your voice wakes terrible memories- memories of things that made me love you-memories of words that made me love you-memories that are now horrible to me. And how I worshipped you! You were to me something apart from common life, a thing pure, noble, honest, without stain. The world seemed to me finer because you were in it, and goodness more real because you lived. And now- oh when I think I made a man like you my ideal! The ideal of my life!

Sir Robert Chiltern. There was your mistake. There was your error. The error all women commit. Why can’t you women love us, faults and all? Why do you place us on monstrous pedestals? We have all feet of clay, women as well as men; but when we men love woman, we love them knowing their weaknesses, their follies, their imperfections, love them all the more, it may be for that reason. It is not the perfect, but the imperfect, who have need of love. It is when we are wounded by our own hands, or by the hands of others that love should come to cure us-else what use is love at all?... Women think they are making ideals of men. What they are making of us are false idols merely. You made your false idol of me, and I had not the courage to come down, show you my wounds, tell you my weaknesses. I was afraid that I might lose your love, as I have lost it now.

I disagree with Sir Robert Chiltern that this fault lies only with women. I think it is something we all can easily do with one another. It’s easy to put people on pedestals- husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, pastors, teachers….etc. And while we all should certainly strive to be men and women of good character, there is only One who has obtained perfection. Only one pedestal. And it was placed on a hill many years ago. And since the One who has seen perfection finds grace to grant us mercy and forgiveness, I think we too can show grace to those in our lives who…may not be perfect, but are on a journey to follow God just as we are.

Status

Hey guys,
I've talked a lot about Status and how much I am blessed by the creativity, and focus on Christ at this service. Some of the Full Sail students put together a video about Status and the what it stands for. Here's the link if anyone is interested in checking it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5cMOGpQNsI

Lessons Learned

So I've had a fish at my office for about two years now. His name is Neige (French for snow). He's been rather popular around my work for awhile now. People will stop by and remind me to clean his fish bowl or tell me he "doesn't look so good!"

Anyways... Sadly, Neige passed away yesterday. We found him somehow buried under his rocks. Catherine, one of the girls on my team, decided that we should have a funeral for him and return him to the Earth so to speak. So 4 of us went out back in a little procession and said a few nice things about him before I dumped him, rocks and all, into the lake behind our office. So far so good.

Then Matt noticed that he had not followed his rocks to the bottom of the lake, but was instead floating on top. This was a little distressing. One doesn't usually see a little white beta fish floating in a lake. Even more distressing was what happened when the lake's natural fish spotted him. Yikes. At this point I very quicky walked away because really...no one wants to see that. And thus concluded our rather unique ceremony for Neige.....

That Hideous Strength

I just finished "That Hideous Strength" which is the last book in C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy. I think he is a brilliant author but this series is not my favorite of his writings. I have a hard time linking back some of the theology. However, there is a section in the book that I really like. It describes where one of the main characters finally surrenders to God. It's from Chapter 14 Section 6 if anyone is interested.

Morning Prayer

As I was searching for breakfast this morning at my hotel a song came to mind from many years ago. The tune isn't so catchy anymore, but the words are actually an incredible prayer.

Father God, for today, let me walk your narrow way.
Let me stand, where I would fall. And give me the strength to hear your call.
May my steps be worship. May my thoughts be praise. May my words bring honor to your name.

This was my prayer this morning. I enjoyed having a little bit of quiet time in the Garden Conservatory by a waterfall. I absolutely love the Opryland Hotel. It's like camping in Hawaii. You wake up and walk outside your room to an incredible view of palm trees and flowers and waterfalls. I think whoever designed this place must have been a Christian. It's so peaceful and beautiful.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm super tired and rather looking forward to sleeping for a good 8-9 hours tonight :)

We Judge

Easy to say. Easy to do
Compare you to me. Compare me to you.

We have our rules. We have our codes
Suits and ties. Skirts and hose.

Shades of grey. Or black and white.
What makes wrong and what makes right

A time to fight. A time to learn
A time to give in. A time to burn

In the end, all is dim
Save how we loved and followed Him.

2008

For only being 27 days old, 2008 has already brought a lot of change. Not so much direct change but indirect as it affects friends and family thus affecting me. Some of it is good change. Some hard. All is moving forward. Sometimes that is hard for me. I want to move forward but yet I still glance back. I hold on. I see the beautiful and the good. And I want to keep it close. But one can not can't live in the past. You can learn from it, treasure it, and laugh about it with good friends. But still you move on. Accepting, embracing, acknowedging the new. And earnestly seeking God's wisdom and blessing for the unknown.

1 Chronicles 5:18-22

So I ran across this passage last night and it really impacted me. Not so much the content of it but rather the context. It basically said that God's people were fighting this battle and they "cried out to him during the battle" and "He answered their prayers, because they trusted Him." And then in verse 22 it talks about how they had victory because the battle was God's. Most of us aren't fighting against unpronounceable enemies but yet we all face times when we need God’s guidance. This text makes it so simple. Cry out to God for help, trust in Him, and He will lead you to victory.

Here is the text:

18 The Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh had 44,760 men ready for military service—able-bodied men who could handle shield and sword, who could use a bow, and who were trained for battle. 19 They waged war against the Hagrites, Jetur, Naphish and Nodab. 20 They were helped in fighting them, and God handed the Hagrites and all their allies over to them, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him. 21 They seized the livestock of the Hagrites—fifty thousand camels, two hundred fifty thousand sheep and two thousand donkeys. They also took one hundred thousand people captive, 22 and many others fell slain, because the battle was God's. And they occupied the land until the exile.

Musicians amaze me

I'm singing with the worship team for Deeper this weekend so we had a long practice tonight....It was fun though. I enjoy singing and its really cool to be part of a team of such talented musicians. I can dabble in a couple instraments, but some people are just amazing. It's like the songs come alive and become beautiful when they play.

My uncle was telling me about an ex rocker who turned Christian and has a soapbox about only listening to...organ music.... Yeah. His reason is that because his band would use the drums and chord progressions to drive home their lyrics- which were bad then therefore drums and anything besides the organ is...bad. However, if you flip this around and use strong drum beats and all the other elements of good music to drive home POSITVE lyrics- isn't that good?

To me, music is incredible. Indescribible. Powerful. And when used appropriately a beautiful expression of worship.

Perspectives

It's funny how your perspective can change at different points in your life. Things that seem daunting and impassible become distant memories and you wonder how you could have ever been so affected by them. Things that seemed muddled and confusing, become clear. Things that seemed perfect, become increasingly imperfect. A lot can change over time.

Yet life cannot be lived from a backward glance perspective. It must be lived in moments, in hours, in days. It must be enjoyed and overcome, lived as one who is free yet fully submitted to the One who knows all perspectives and sees all situations from beginning to end.

These are my musings for tonight. Triggered by thoughts of friends and their journeys. Where they thought they would end up, and where they are now and how much better God's plan is then the ones we come up with on our own.

Goodnight.

This weekend

This week I enjoyed two different but interesting worship services. I liked a thought from Pastor Danny's sermon at Deeper which was basically this "He who conquers himself, he is the greatest warrier of all."

Then at Status we did an experiential worship session. We started off with music- which was awesome: Guitar, piano, violin, and voice. Then we had time for individial reflection at the different stations: intercession, nature, scripture, communion, foot washing, art..ect

Here is one of the songs that we sang. I really like it but can't find it on myspace or youtube. Imagine that!? I guess I will need to buy it. ;)


Oh Lord, to you
Shane Barnard

We will seek you first Lord.
You will hear our voices.
Early in the morning and late in the night
We will sing your praises
Giving you the glory
Offering our lives to you a holy sacrifice

May our praise rise as incense
Oh Lord, to you
May our worship be a fragrance
Oh Lord, to you

House Pictures!

My parents came down for New Year's weekend and helped me with my house. Here are some pictures of my new look in the living room/kitchen!

Hillsong United

This weekend I was blessed to attend the first Hillsong United Conference in the U.S. It was amazing. The music was incredible- pure beautiful worship. And the speakers/workshops were also very powerful. Here are a few of the thoughts that inspired me:
- God is a creative God. It's good to use creativity to glorify him
- There is great power in unity. Check out 2 Chronicles 5:13-14. When God's people came together and sang in one voice, God's presence was so powerful that the priests could not finish their service.
- It's important to be intentional and well prepared for worship services. But after that, let God move and be willing to change things as He leads.
- Be inclusive. Build for the future
- Keep a teachable heart.

A masked ball....okay not really

Last night Kristin, Isaac, George, and I went to a Halloween Party. I decided to make use of a bridesmaid dress and go as the toothfairy.

Preview

Kristin and Isaac went as Bret and Lacy from Rock of Love and George was someone from the 70's.